The science of possibility versus reality.

For the past week or two I’ve felt relieved. I thought I’d made a final decision. I was finally giving my lifelong dream of being a licensed Cosmetologist a rightful chance. I was going for it — chasing my dream. That is, until a few days ago.

Let’s start with some back story.

I’ve been THISCLOSE to starting beauty school twice now; a few years ago I even went so far as to pay the admission fee to officially enroll. But in the end, when it came right down to it, Sam and I realized it just wasn’t financially feasible at the time. The week before my first day of class, I called the admissions department at the beauty school I’d chosen and politely retracted my approved application. The whole situation was just stressful.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago and the steady 9-5′r I’ve held for the past 3.5 years suddenly came to an end. After basking in the awesomeness that is not having a job for a few days, I sat down and really started to think about what I want to do with myself in this one life I’m living — was I going to continue working desk jobs for little pay or was I going to progress myself into a position where I both earn and deserve a better living than I was making before?

The choice seemed an obvious one, but the decision-making part has proved quite difficult.

I’m hesitant to make a final decision, and I keep putting it off. I’ve toured countless schools, met with numerous counselors and financial aid advisers, and I even have 2 more schools left to tour, but no one else is going to make my mind up for me. This is my life we’re talking about here; my career; my way of contributing and supporting myself.

And the way I see it, if I’m going to change anything at all, I either change it like WHOA or not change it at ALL. Go big or go home.

And that’s where I feel like I’m at right now — I’m looking straight ahead, but there’s no road in front of me. To the left is the road to beauty, fashion, and a snobby, gossip and money-driven lifestyle that I just don’t quite fit. To the right is the endless possibility of “regular” college - graphics designer, web designer, documentary filmmaker, best-selling author (hey, we can all dream, right?), who knows where I’d end up - all I have to do is make the decision.

In my best Chris Rock voice, “Man, why decisions gotta be so damn hard to make?”

Feelings, Emotions, Knitting, Sewing, Crafting, Life In General, Love