Monthly Archives: January 2010

Foods which disgust the crap out of me: bananas, strawberries, liver, brussel sprouts, well done steak, ham lunch meat, celery, radishes, and tomatoes.

TV show I loathe: Jackass. It was funny 8 years ago, but come on - I just have no interest in seeing that type of shit anymore.

Movie I loathe: Anything that can be filed under “cheesy 80’s/90’s action films”. Basically anything with Arnold Schwarzenegger (*I had to Google how to spell that), Tom Cruise, and plots revolved around saving the human race from certain demise.

Music genres I loathe: mariachi, ska, blues and old country, anything that sounds remotely like Death Cab For Cutie, and death metal.

Magazine which annoys me: I have better things to do than be annoyed by magazines. If it annoys you, don’t look at it.

Makes me cranky at a restaurant: Parents who don’t remove their screaming children.

Makes me cranky in public: Drivers who can’t follow basic traffic rules (*does not include the speed limit), anyone that still writes a check to pay for their groceries, when too many people are around me and I feel like I can’t get out, and when I’m waiting in line for something I don’t even want to be doing in the first place (*like the fucking DMV).

Makes me cranky in general: Feeling rushed!

Pisses me off at home: I’m the ONLY one that EVER cleans the bathrooms.

Pisses me off in general: Ignorance.

Makes me impatient at home: Hmmm, nothing I can think of.

Makes me impatient in public: Waiting in line.

Celebrity I hate: “Perez Hilton”. I use the quotes b/c it’s all a character he puts on. And technically, he’s not even a celebrity. A real celebrity I hate is that stupid Lady GaGa. I’d rather be stuck in a room with Heidi Montag, and I can’t stand her either.

Music artist I hate: John Mayer, and anything that can be described as “indie”.

I could care less about: what you think of me.

Blogger’s habit that annoys you: Anything that can be described as a “mommy blog”. (*So far, Dooce is my ONLY exception to this)

Feature on your blog you hate: The fact that when you search for something, it doesn’t display the posts - it lists them as links to click on. I wish it was easier for you guys to read, and I’d like to fix that soon.

Movie stars you despise: Tom Cruise, Jessica Biel, Meg Ryan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vin Diesel.

Politicians that you despise: Sarah Palin, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and the entire Bush family.

*Inspired by MeanBean, survey taken from: Sunday Stealing: The Negativity Meme

Number of workouts this week: 4

Starting weight: 234 lbs
Week 2 weigh-in: 223 lbs
Pounds lost this week: 1

Total pounds lost so far: 11
Pounds left to lose: 73

Notes: Despite 4 super hard workouts this week, I only lost 1 lb. this week. I was really bummed at first, until Sam pointed out my guns. ;) And then he reminded me that muscle is heavier than fat. I’m now able to benchpress 50 lbs, leg lift 105 lbs, and run for a total of 4 minutes (1.5 minutes longer than last week) before slowing to a power walk. I definitely feel stronger and my legs & arms are more firm. I feel good!

This week has been…..crazy. It’s total insanity up in here. Blogging has been moved to the wayside, but I look forward to posting more in the very near future. Between work and the gym, my life feels like it’s flying by at 300 miles an hour.

Anyone know where the PAUSE button is on this thing?!

Dear Heather,

Two weeks ago I had a one-sided conversation with you. Out of desperation, in the middle of the living room right in front of Sam, I asked you to go away. In a firm voice, I talked to you. I said,

“Heather, I love you and I miss you so much it hurts. But if you really are trying to contact me, I’m not ready. I can’t handle it right now. Instead of comfort, I feel fear — you are scaring me. I’m not ready for this yet, Heather. Give me time.”

I haven’t felt you since.

I am no longer waking in the middle of the night paralyzed with fear, overwhelmed with the feeling that you are right next to me. You haven’t shown up in a single dream in the past 2 weeks, though I still wake up often throughout the night and it takes me a long time to fall back asleep.

I still hear your voice every now and then, but without the overpowering, terrifying sensation. I haven’t heard full sentences or phrases, but I seem to be picking up single words and sounds from time to time. I heard three in a row last night before I finally nodded off to sleep.

I don’t know how to end this letter, except to say that I miss you and I’m sorry. I hope you don’t feel like I don’t want you or that I don’t appreciate whatever it is that you might be trying to do. I also want you to know that I have this feeling (I cannot describe it, I’ve tried) that you are trying to help me. Or that I need to help you. I’m not sure which. When I figure that out, I’ll let you know.

I love you, dear friend. I’m so sorry that you are gone.

Number of workouts this week: 7

Starting weight: 234 lbs
Week 1 weigh-in: 224 lbs
Pounds lost this week: 10

Total pounds lost so far: 10
Pounds left to lose: 74

Notes: I worked REALLY hard for these 10 lbs, though I’m not sure exactly where those pounds went. My clothes don’t seem to fit any better. That being said, I’m proud of my hard work and I feel good. Though I don’t love my time on the cardio machines (treadmill, elliptical, rowing machine, etc.), I’d forgotten how much I truly love strength training. I’m really enjoying being active again and I look forward to my next weigh-in.

I have officially been working out for 1 full week, with just one day of rest. After 6 hard workouts I am already feeling better than I have in years. Yes, I said YEARS. I feel proud, I feel rejuvenated, I feel good.

With 1-2.5 hours a day devoted to the gym just 6 times so far, my body is noticeably stronger, my energy level and stamina has increased significantly, and I now crave healthy foods packed with nutrients instead of junk food. I can benchpress 45 lbs, powerwalk a full mile in 15 minutes, and jog for 2.5 minutes (which is 2.5 minutes longer than I could jog a week ago). Sam even convinced me to shoot hoops with him for 15 minutes last night - since when am I athletic?! Who is this new person I’m turning into?! I kind of really love her!

I’m obsessed with three things right now (in healthy moderation): iceberg salad blends, hard boiled eggs, and fresh orange juice - all of which I have stocked up on among other healthy meals like bananas, skim milk, and Cheerios. I am also diligently eating only a palm-sized portion of healthy, vitamin-rich foods 5 times a day to help boost my molasses-like metabolism.

I will be weighing myself every Thursday to track my progress. This afternoon will be my second weekly weigh-in (inspired by The Biggest Loser). Last Thursday, which I’ve dubbed “D-Day” as it was my very first workout after 7 years of living a sedentary lifestyle, I weighed in at a whopping 234 lbs. Instead of spiraling into depression, I accepted the number on the scale. And then I made a promise to myself. A promise to make a positive change in my weight, my body, and my lifestyle. So far it feels amazing!

Heather was in my dreams again last night. When I awoke in the middle of the night drenched in sweat from the combination of the stressful dream and way too many blankets, it took a very long time to fall back asleep. Even kitty snuggles weren’t helping.

I’ve now been off my anti-anxiety medication for 2 weeks, and I’m happy to report that I’ve yet to have a single panic attack. Unfortunately, the downside to stopping my meds is that I’m having a lot of trouble falling and staying asleep — even though I’m working out every afternoon and my body feels exhausted.

I’ve battled insomnia for months at a time since I was about 19 years old, though it’s been over a year since I’ve had to deal with it. Now that I’m working 10 hour days (which means coming in an hour earlier and staying an hour later) and hitting the gym directly after, you’d think I’d be dead tired by the time I got home, but no. I proceed to lay in bed for at least an hour before waking up 3-5 times during the night.

Insomnia is a ruthless monster. I’m going to tough it out for a while in hopes that my sleeping problems are directly related to my lack of medication, and that sleeping will get easier with time. I could really use a decent night’s sleep.

I’ve borrowed an idea from my friend Kenia’s blog, Diarios de Filosofia. I’ve been struggling this morning trying to think of something worth writing about, but some days I’m just not as inspired as I’d like to be. Instead, today I’m filling out the Sunday Stealing meme Kenia found on The Daily Meme.

Opening…

Do you get regular massages? I’ve never had a professional massage. I just don’t like being that close to complete strangers, honestly. And call me a cheap ass, but massages are expensive.

Do you have an answering machine? My cell phone has voice mail.

What cuss word do you use the most? Fuck.

Are you underweight or overweight? Overweight, but I’m working on that.

Can you see your veins? Yes, I can see some of them.

Favorites…

Soap? Ivory body wash in fresh, clean scents.

Fruit? Mandarin oranges and bananas, but I can only eat about half a banana before the texture gags me. I’m not much of a fruit person, I prefer vegetables.

Kind of red meat? I’m not a meat person; red meat is my least favorite. It’s not that I’m against eating meat, I just don’t like the texture and flavor of most meat (I really HATE steak). Chicken is my favorite meat and pork comes in a close second.

Fish? Breaded halibut and smoked salmon.

Candy bar? Almond Joy.

Have You Ever…

Eaten a whole bag of potato chips? Not in a single day, but I have over a couple days I’m sure.

Eaten lobster? Once when Sam took me to Red Lobster for our anniversary last year. I liked it, but found that I prefer crab legs. Lobster isn’t as tasty.

Climbed a mountain? No. I am definitely not the mountain climbing type.

Been skydiving? No, but I want to do that at least once before I die.

Been water skiing? No.

Do You…

Wish you could change something about your life? I am working hard to change it right now by working out at the gym 4-5 times a week.

Like your nose? Sure, I don’t not like it.

Like salt and vinegar chips? Those are my absolute FAVORITE !!

Eat salsa? Love it.

Own a boat? No, I do not. But I wish I did!

What Is…

The longest relationship you’ve ever had? 4.8 years - Sam and I will be celebrating 5 years together in just a few months.

Your most embarrassing thoughts? Are often not meant to be shared with the world.

Your most shameful moment? I have a couple, but I’m not going to relive them by writing them down.

This or That…

Bath/Shower? Shower.

Markers/Crayons? Markers.

Pens/Pencils? Pens.

Jelly/Cream Cheese? Cream cheese.

Bagel/Toast? Bagel.

Finish the sentence…

My greatest weakness is… food.

I wish I was… physically fit. I’m working on that.

Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are… swim unprotected in shark infested water, smoke cigarettes daily for the rest of my life, or cheat on or shame my boyfriend in any way.

The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is… raw whale blubber. I grew up in Alaska and one year in 5th or 6th grade they made us try traditional Alaskan Eskimo food. Whale blubber tastes just like it looks - rubbery and bland.

Firsts…

Credit card you had? I have 2 debt cards, but I’ve never owned a credit card. I plan to keep it that way. I’ve watched way too many friends and family members struggle with credit card debt.

Loan you got was for? The $2,000 left over from my down payment when I bought my car. I paid off the loan just 10 days ago, I’m so proud!!

Paycheck was for how much? Not enough to survive without sacrifices.

Time you had stitches? Knee surgery when I was 13.

Time you went to the hospital for something? The Grinder Incident. I still have nightmares about that night.

Lasts…

Last thing you used a credit card for? Debt card - gym membership for Sam and I earlier this week.

Last thing you celebrated? Paying off my car on January 7th.

Day 1:

• 10 mins on the treadmill, 3.5 speed at 10 incline - It didn’t kill me like I thought it would!
• A ton of hover squats w/an exercise ball, at least 5 reps - By the end, my legs were shaking so bad I could hardly stand.
• 30 seconds on each foot on the balance ball, 2 reps - I realized I somehow have impressive balance. I gave my Heelys full credit.
• Hover squats holding a slosh bar, 3 reps - By the end of this, I was nearly in tears. My legs burned, my shoulders burned, my abs burned.
• Step board cardio holding a weight ball - Easier than slosh bar hover squats, but still very hard work.
• Tons of hover pushups - At first I couldn’t go 5 seconds without laying down, but I worked up to holding for 20 seconds. This also made me wish for the sweet release of death, but I felt so damn proud when I was done.

Day 2:

• 15 minutes on the treadmill, 3.6 speed at 7 incline - This wouldn’t have been nearly as awful if my right shoe hadn’t given me a huge blister.
• 2.5 laps in the pool, face-down  - Okay, so I’m not much of a swimmer. I don’t how how to swim properly, that’s for sure - all the breathing and head turning just stresses me out. I was, however, flapping my arms relatively correctly and actually managed somewhat of a straight line down the pool.
• 2 laps in the pool, face-up - I found this to be a little easier for me. I think i could have swam this way for longer than face-down, but I found it hard to swim a straight line when I can’t see where I’m going.
• Walked 1 lap in the pool - I found this easier than I expected, maybe because the pool is just 4 feet deep. I ended up squatting down a bit to get my arms and shoulders underwater for more resistance.
• 10 minutes in the hot tub - Ohhhhh yeah. I’ll definitely be doing this again. What a wonderful way to slow down the heart rate!

Things I’ve learned during my first 2 workouts:

• Don’t lose your padlock key - Having your padlock cut off is not fun. Before today’s workout, I bought a combination lock. Problem fixed!
• Don’t walk into the wrong locker-room - At least I figured this out within the first few steps.

Overall, I’m feeling good. My body is sore but I wouldn’t consider it painful. I’ll go again tomorrow for another moderate workout. My plan is to use Sunday as a Day Of Rest / Craft Project Day, but I may hit the hot tub just because I can! So far, after just 2 days, I’m enjoying the new experience. I look forward to seeing where this takes me.