Monthly Archives: September 2008

i was dry heaving in the shower again this morning. idk what it is lately, i’ve just felt extremely nauseous off and on all day for a while now. this happens for months on end with me, with no real sign of why or when it will end. and then when i’m least expecting it, as suddenly as it started, it will just stop. and i’ll be free. at least for a while. i wish it would stop already. i still feel like i’m going to be sick.

in other news, i broke my digital point-and-shoot camera last weekend. long story short, i thought there was a spider on me and i jerked my body back. my camera went flying out of my hand and fell squarely on the pavement of our porch, lens down. i haven’t lost my pictures, thankfull, but the camera itself is shot. i just get the black screen of death. sigh. it’s not even a year old and i spent quite a bit of hard earned money on it. fucking figures.

so now i’m at a dilema - do i suck it up and buy another point-and-shoot or do i save up and go for the real deal? i’m thinking a Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT (or any Canon SLR type, really). or maybe i can get an SLR for me and get HP a point-and-shoot for xmas this year. i was going to give him mine anyway when i bought a nicer camera. speaking of gifts, his birfday is 2 weeks away and i haven’t started shopping yet. i need to get a move on!

i’ve been knitting a lot lately, even at home. and i normally don’t find both the time and motivation to knit at home. there always seems to be other things to do that keep me away from my knitting bag. lol in exciting news, i bought my Central Park Hoodie yarn yesterday and i’ve started swatching!! i’m officially on my way to hoodie euphoria.

It’s crazy busy here at work, as usual. I’m drowning in work, just trying to keep my head above water which is proving to be a feat in itself. Ugh. Non work-related, things are good - I actually started cleaning The Dungeon (a.k.a. upstairs bedroom which is supposed to be my crafting room) yesterday after work!! I can’t believe it, I’ve been talking about it for months now but every time I go up there, it’s SUCH a disaster it’s discouraging and I go running for the door before it eats me in there. I finally mustered up the motivation, put some good rock tunes blaring on the stereo downstairs, opened the door (nearly tripped over Wednesday who booked it up the stairs b/c they are normally NOT allowed up there, so it’s The Big Unknown for her LOL), and went for it. complete with a full box of garbage bags in one hand and an array of cleaning supplies in the other.

It went well, though I still can’t see much of the floor and there are now piles and piles of things that I’ve sorted into roughly-related sections. I can actually SEE my crafting table! It’s not completely clear, I’ve got a box of craft supplies and some random bigger things sitting on it for lack of anywhere else to put it, but I can confirm that it is in fact there and intact!! I haven’t seen the actual tabletop in MONTHS!!

So it’s a HUGE project that’s going to take a lot more work, I only cleaned for about an hour yesterday, but I’ve started!! Now I’m watching the clock for 3:30 (I feel like leaving early today just b/c) so I can make some more progress. It feels good and it’s going to feel even better when it’s CLEAN and I can redecorate! Then, and only then, will it be a true crafting room with library corner! :)

is it time? please? oh, it’s only 8:35 am? fuck. i’m here ’til 4:00 pm.
.::heavy sigh::.

it’s really true, i’m finally going to join a gym. the best part? i think HP is going to join with me. i didn’t think that was an option, so i’m really happy to hear he’s open to the idea. i’m anxious about so many things… i’m worried mostly about all the skinny bimbos who will no doubtedly be cruising along beside me, disgusted by my jiggling fat. i know, it doesn’t paint a pretty picture. but it’s going to be humiliating.

i need change in my life. i’m not happy and that’s not okay with me. i need something more and for the longest time i wasn’t sure what that was. now i know - it’s ME. i’m ready to change ME.

gotta run for now. i’ll pick this back up later. <3

“Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling.” - Judith Guest

i’m feeling extremely blah lately. i think MB used the word “mellow” to describe it and i’m thinking that’s about right. i’m not necessarily in a bad mood, but i’m not in a great one, either. i’m stuck somewhere in the middle. things aren’t really grating me the wrong way, but i’m certainly not overly thrilled about anything. idk what’s gotten into me or why i’m feeling this way. maybe another little bout of depression? i’m still not sure, even myself.

everyone at work keeps hounding me with questions like “are you doing okay lately?” and “you’ve been really quiet lately, is everything okay?” like someone close to me just died or something. come to think of it, when someone very close to me DID die, no one came up to me with these questions like this. wtf. doesn’t make sense at all.

i’m ready for the weekend and for that, i’m thankful it’s friday. at least now i can watch the clock until 4 pm and know i’m heading home to freedom for the next 2 days. who the fuck came up with a 5-day work week, anyway?? two fucking days off out of a 7 day week? does NOBODY else think that’s fucking bananas??

i haven’t been sleeping well the past week or so. my body is sooo tired, but when i finally fall into bed i can’t sleep. my brain won’t shut up long enough to drift off and i’m left laying in bed for an hour or two (sometimes three!) while HP and both kitties are sound asleep in various positions around me. it’s beyond frustrating, as i’m sure you can imagine and most of you can probably relate.

this morning i was sleeping so hard i didn’t hear the alarm go off a single time. thankfully HP is on alarm clock duty b/c it’s next to his side of the bed. when he woke me up and then jumped in the shower i dozed off again w/o realizing it, but thankfully he’d left the alarm clock on for just that reason so it woke me up when it went off after a few minutes. i look over at it to find Wednesday with her nose right on the alarm clock almost as if to say “how the hell do you guys get this thing to shut up??!!” i switched it off and lumbered to the shower, but i wasn’t happy to be awake, that’s for sure. i could have slept until noon if i could. i hate getting up early.

things have been a whirlwind lately. we’ve actually been quite busy the past week or two. season 2 of Dexter came out on dvd last week and we got the 1st disc in the mail last saturday - haven’t even gotten a chance to watch the season premiere!! today or tomorrow (i can’t remember which) we’ll get the second disc and we haven’t even started the first. i’m thinking Dexter marathon this weekend, but i highly doubt that will actually happen. oh yeah, and one of HPs friends is in town playing some show one of the nights.. i doubt i’ll go. HP said i probably wouldn’t like the music, but that he’d like me to go with him. i just don’t know. i’m not making that decision now, i’ll deal with it when the time comes.

all i want to do today is go home, sleep until my body wakes up, and knit while watching reruns of Will & Grace and Everybody Loves Raymond on tv. seriously. if i had any sick time left, i’d take a day and just go home to be “mellow” by myself. my stomach feels like i’m going to be sick, i’m still not sure why. i must be doing something wrong or different b/c my crohn’s is just awful right now. the pain and cramping, waves of nausea, having to spend what feels like hours in the bathroom… yeah, not fun.

can i have a digestive tract transplant, please?? no? you don’t have those in stock? sigh. well then i’m just fucked.