Monthly Archives: August 2008

payday, that is. i’ve already paid my bills and i’ve got plenty leftover as this isn’t rent or car payment check. so - tonight’s the night! after work today i’m getting my hurr did! i’m chopping off all the length in front and starting over. i’m going for a faux hawk dyke look again (this won’t be the first time and probably won’t be the last) but it’s going to take some intuition and patience as my hair just isn’t long enough on top quite yet. it’ll grow, i’m not worried. i am a wittle bit nervous, but i’m super excited. is it 4:00 yet?? oh, still 8:47 am?? damn.

i may even get a tattoo with this check, i’ve got 3 i’ve wanted to do for a long while now. we’ll see. =)

sadly, i thought payday was tomorrow, tuesday, when in fact it’s wednesday. so. T-2 days and counting until all my hair (well, what’s left of it anyway) is chopped off! i can’t wait, i’m so ready for change.

there’s something i find incredibly sexy about the dyke faux-hawk cut, idk how to describe it really. it just gives me this “damn, i look hott!” thing goin’ on and i have to admit i love that feeling. i mean, who wouldn’t?!

so yay for going dyke short again. i loved it last time and i can’t wait to have it again. <3

sigh, last night was awful. anxiety and panic attacks from 9:30 pm when it finally got dark to nearly 1:30am when i finally drifted off to sleep. well, that’s the last time i remember looking at the clock anyway. at one point, i was literally terrified. i was convinced someone was actually in the house. of course, that’s silly of me and it wasn’t true. i had checked, double check, triple checked again and again that both doors were deadbolted and all windows were locked.

the problem is that i can’t handle silence. with nothing to drown the silence, my brain changes normal, everyday sounds into big scary situations and my imagination takes it from there. sadly, it’s hard to calm myself down when my anxiety gets like that. so to minimize the sound issue, i am forced to keep the fan on (which was an absolute must last night, it was so fucking hot in our room) to drown out all sound - which then worries me b/c i wouldn’t be able to hear if someone really were breaking in or sneaking around. *sigh* just thinking about it gets my heart racing again. i hate that feeling.

it didn’t help that the kitties wouldn’t stay in bed, they felt it was time to play all night. i felt really alone.

thankfully, when i finally fell asleep, i didn’t wake up until my alarm went off. i managed to get around 7 hours and i’m functioning today. i’m glad its friday, but i don’t get to sleep in tomorrow, either.  i need serious sleep. :(

HP left this morning, iv’e been awake since 3:30 am. fuck i’m tired. “tired” doesn’t seem to accurately describe it, actually. more like fucking exhausted. nearly delerious. is that how you spell that word? anyway, i’m ready for bed.